Identity Forays

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The steps lead to a particular direction.  Which way would you go without the steps?

Have you had obstacles that you thought you could control in your life when turning away would have been easier?  At times those forays may actually be considered a challenge to beat.  Others call it trying to attain a prize.  I believe that God is on the scene fine tuning us.  The existence of God makes me feel safe as I identify as a divorced woman.  There was a time I took on the challenge in my decades old marriage to work out my relationship.  Humans possess an uncanny resilience to want to fix their lives.

Reading from methods that implore scientific and empirical studies about identity has given me an epiphany of sorts.  The social and psychological frameworks in identity are complicated and rightfully so as we individuals are complex in nature.  That is not the epiphany I had, but rather it is that our identity is interrupted all the time. You may never know when it will happen.  I identify as a mom, sister, and daughter.  My role in professional society as a nurse overlapped it all.

Becoming who we will become is from genetics, nurture, experiences, and influences.  Identifying and sustaining ourselves through interactions that we perceive as good may lead us to believe in a better future so naturally we allow those influences to continue.  For example, I believe in God’s plan in marriage and my role as a wife, but the plan was not exactly working.  Was the plan still God’s?  The head will say, “you can put up with this for the kids…” when perhaps, my role shifted.  It was different and I could not even see that even when it bit me in the face.  My husband identified as homosexual and the marriage unit was now a fraud.

The notion resources outside of marriage and the role it played in my identity was not sustainable for my livelihood in my opinion.  I found myself in a situation that I could function well inside the family even in dysfunction.  Resources inside the marriage were active and had potential, however, they came from my role in the marriage.  I did not need help from the outside and quite frankly I did not see any assistance working.  I was my worst enemy thinking I could do it all by myself. 

It is not unusual for anyone to see their future wrapped up in their present situation and resources.  Supporting personhood or identity,  an individual may perceive the future love of a spouse as so compelling even if not at full throttle.  That amount of support is relative depending on the person and how much they identify with the need for resources ( my husband’s love).  Maybe, “Love is never having to say you are sorry.”

After my marriage ended,  I was hit with an identity crisis and my perception of it came under additional consternation after discovering a change in my personhood.  A DNA test confirmed that half of my family I had never known. The test revealed I was 54% Jewish and 46% German.

My identity changes were spinning so out of control that no one could help me.  I was cold as ice from my non marriage and it spilled over in my career as a nurse.  These identities in roles can change and they do frequently, but identity in personhood typically do not as much.  A DNA result with a shocking personal identity change and one’s professional identity simultaneously would be worth exploring and how they interact.  I looked for specific research and could not.

Identity is an evolutionary process in my experience.  Identity changes are progressive and feelings about our own self worth can also change depending on circumstances.   The magnitude of my emotional well being I express here: https:wp.me/p2rYD1-2m2 .  The direction of  identity changes and those trends is complicated when you think about the type of person you are, the roles you have as a person, and how you as a person fit into a group. So much is at stake.

A new group I am identifying with is my Jewish family that I found two years ago.  I am enjoying my family and learning of their dreams and roles in society.  We have so much in common.  These new relationships are so beneficial to my psyche.  Several cousins I found commonalities we had that took me to a new stratosphere.  I am committed to them and amazingly this has been my identity taking a greater psychological shift in my well-being.  The research confirms this.

My identity changes were in various areas and levels.  These included but not limited to how I feel about myself when it comes to my intelligence, morals, attractiveness, self-worth, emotions, and of course authenticity.  To be sure this does not mean I did not have a moral compass instilled in me from my childhood.  On the contrary,  I grew up with a loving mom and a dad who was a very good provider.

Reading from research, I noted role change in identity was the greater that changed and that person and social identities did not change as much.  This whole trajectory I would challenge if you become informed of an identity change due to your DNA.  The person identity I believe needs to be studied further in the light of this revelation and researching a group of these individuals would be beneficial .  No one doubts the one complicating force and that is one’s perception of one’s self.  Perception will always come into play and show its ugly head and at times to the detriment of some people especially if the perception is grossly overrated and not true.  It is too bad so many of us can not shake that perception especially when we are vulnerable in the first place because of circumstances outside of our control.  Your comments are appreciated. As a side note, I did research on Identity through academia.edu.  If anyone wants those articles, please feel free to let me know and I can post them.  My words here bring much agreement to the body of sociology and science, but much more needs to be addressed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

9 thoughts on “Identity Forays

  1. judyg1953

    Alicia, a very thought provoking blog post. I have been married 3 times AND am an NPE. My identify was formed from ALL of those things….sometimes I want to curl up in a ball and cry “why me?” Sometimes I am good with all of it “don’t mess with me, I am woman!!” I don’t have the religious beliefs as you do, but I do believe that somewhere, somehow, a divine being gave me some tests to get through, and continues to test me, damn it!!!

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    1. alesiablogs Post author

      Judy-first thank you for your comment. We have more in common than not. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be where I am at. In regards to my beliefs. I do identify as Jewish now although have been working on defining how that looks with my established belief system in Christianity. All of this has rocked me to my core. I am so glad to have you in this journey. I am not alone.

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      1. judyg1953

        The discovery of your Jewish Heritage is an incredible story. There are so many of us with half our identities unknown until DNA testing opened up our worlds. It is such a joy to have others such as ourselves to help us along in our journey. So glad we found each other!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. alesiablogs Post author

    Val- this is so true and while I did not think on that very gender oriented Identity issue- it causes me to pause. Thank you for bringing it to light for me to ponder. I have been studying this subject a lot in my spare time of which I have little! Haha

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