Having an adult son with autism has hard and complicating challenges. My first time hearing Luke’s diagnosis in 1994 made me numb. It did not seem real.
I did not realize how much I did. It is true. I need you. God I really need you.
I have lost some decent friends to death in the last three years. Life is not easy.
As I rewind I know I need you. Starting over like the seasons do year after year, I am left alone knowing my story is so intertwined with you. It is a beautiful tapestry of love.
I came home from a funeral today and while watering my plants, I sense your presence. Its from the gush of the water in my hose startled, I hold on and start spraying my flowers. I think about my autistic son jumping in the lake and I sense your presence.
Water brings life. It is interesting when we are in the desert of life, we may be numb to pain. When we are touched by rain, we wake up. I know I have. In the desert- I felt alone. When watering and being rained on, I bow my head and wondered why I could ever think of not needing you.
Many of you hate it. Today I embrace it as I sit in the back of a car with my son Luke. He is happy with his autism always giving me a child in an adult’s body. We both sense an awareness of contentment as the radio softly nurtures us with a melody of love and joy.
In the front seat my youngest son discusses life with his dad. He pauses to look back at me smiling and gently puts his hand on my knee.
My heart is full in these moments. These are them tucked away in my memories. Nothing can steal this time. I feel filled up with all I need.
Traffic is all around, but I am not driving. All is well on my road.
Imagine a world without hurt. Everytime I turn around lately, the world’s a bit more cold, distant, aloof. The pain is palpable.
I am full of life and know this feeling comes from deep within. It is a blessing from God. I know when I crash, however, it can be as if my breath is taken away from me.
Last night I attended Neil Diamond’s 50th anniversary concert here in Seattle. I loved every minute. After the concert, my friends and I stuck around the venue late walking around. A medic working with the musicians came up to us and asked me specifically if I was a big fan. I said yes. Before I knew it he handed me the oxygen mask Neil Diamond utilized right before he came back onstage to give his encore.
Random, don’t ya think? It was very sweet of him. It was a breath of fresh air figuratively for me and physically for our star. I wonder what I should do with it. I need your ideas!!!! I am one happy girl right now.
Last week all hell broke loose with an issue dear to my heart. I am unable to discuss it fully on my blog. You know it is big when I can not even come up with the words.
How many times have you had a metaphor utilized by someone to translate what they are trying to communicate? Ministers love them in their sermons to help us achieve to that “higher” level. Even physicians pitch them to translate science.
How many of us have heard evidence based lingo? We all value the meaning behind what facts are known on any given subject. The question is do we need those facts thrown at us without some thought?
Transfer of information always brings to mind a childhood game of whispering in one friend’s ear and then another, etc until all have heard. What comes out at the end is always a good laugh.
What if the transfer of understanding goes amok? Communication 101 in college after all is more important than even I thought.
I am always full of questions . I wonder. I think. I wait . I need some answers. Maybe you do too. I hear ya. Is a miracle around the corner? I hope.
Convinced it’s finished, we find excuses. Lots of them. It is never done. Conflict comes and goes. We can be on a crash course that promises to be the collision of a lifetime. No one said life is fair.
I promise you this post will make you laugh and be smarter than a 5th grader. I promise!!!!!
I was out of control in my mind listening to my urologist state matter of factly, “You need surgery.” Yeah. Right. ( note to readers- read italicized captions under pics after you read the post ) .