My friend from Kitsap texted me last night inquiring about my New Year festivity’s. I texted her back a photo exactly what I was doing at 8pm. I was standing in line at McDonald’s! Such excitement with my autistic son Luke, but when I look into his eyes I know exactly this moment here is where I belong.
Blogging is a vehicle that I enjoyed utilizing in the last few years. In the fringes of life and just holding on with a pen in hand, I can truly say my blog was a godsend. As the moments of my life converged into a simple exercise on thoughts put to paper, I worked toward illustrating my ordinary moments as extraordinary with eyes wide open to the vastness of those everyday experiences. That was intentional on my part. After all, most life is ordinary and only a tiny portion of is extraordinary.
Today I did not want to blog. My ongoing efforts to write seemed futile.
I grabbed my coffee though and came to the computer and thought about one of my favorite films Forrest Gump! What would Forrest do? Laughing out Loud–I thought-he would continue with the race and run until he was done.
I realized I am not quite done with blogging. I am purpose-driven and working on a goal. I have picked up a few new bloggers that have engaged with me about their lives and I am touched. The blogging is worth the effort I thought. It is helping in a way I did not know it could.
Today is a new day.
Ten years ago most commentary we would read would be one-sided. Your favorite news paper or magazine would run an article perhaps on some political subject that left you fuming. I mean you were pissed off. Today they are dying by the dozens.
Since then a little thing called a blog took over. It popularity soared. Blogging has perhaps become the watchdog for when other forms of media seem to be getting it wrong or missing alternative solutions.
This is what attracted me to it. If you’ve never realized that blogging has an extensive network of helpful links, you would be mistaken. The visibility of what we have is an experience like no other.
It is a wonder that so many that blog are actually writing about the very subject of blogging. I like that because it helps with perspective. So I continue my quest and wait for my Forrest Gump MOMENT. How about you? Can you explain to me what keeps you going on with your blogging?
The state of being normal as defined by cuddling with my furry friend and breathing a bit slower this week. May we look at our animal friends today and thank them for their unconditional love. I don’t know about you, but when I spend time with my Linus- I laugh more!
My journey over the past two years reminds me that life is full of variety. As I reflect on life’s travels, we know they can be emotional, tragic, comic, or perhaps a blend of them all. The unending thought in my mind is that the journey means nothing if we don’t share in it together. I realized for quite some time and after several folks in my life affirmed this with me that perhaps my writing could be of benefit to others. If it was not, I speculated it would be good for my family. The key is that we exist to provide an outlet to raise our shared consciousness. While you are reading , my hope is that you would take time to think over my experiences and come to a point in your life to delve deeper in your own.
One thought crossed my mind that what I write or have written about would remind you of yourself and relationships you have with your partner, children, friends, and any other person in your life. I am intentionally wanting to be thought-provoking even if at times it is bittersweet. Perhaps you may be even relieved you are reading about my life and not your own! Yes. That did cross my mind.
As a mother of a grown autistic son who is truly beautiful , I would not wish this life on another. Luke is the most amazing son a mother could ever ask for, but to watch his suffering at times is incalculable. Yesterday we took him to his best friend’s viewing and funeral who just so happened to be autistic too. Luke’s time saying goodbye to Isaiah was truly poetic as he knelt in the casket and whispered gently in his friend’s ear goodbye.
It was during the funeral that I thought Luke would not be able to hold it together, but he did. As we approached Isaiah’s mom, Luke spoke to his mom and said what little he knew to say, “Isaiah.” After a few seconds he than said to her, “Sad”. Isaiah’s mom quietly allowed Luke to speak and reminded him if Isaiah was here, he would want them to laugh. When she said that they both laughed loudly together. It was a moment of reprieve for a grieving mother and Isaiah’s best friend.
Today I thank Luke and Isaiah for showing the true meaning of friendship.
Photo I took from one of the oldest cemeterys in America in NYC’s St. Paul’s Churchyard.
Today I went to a cemetery to photograph some stones for family members that did not live in Washington State. It is a volunteer program I became involved with to assist those that can not take the photography themselves. On this particular day, I was having trouble finding a plot. There was a woman alone near me and as we began to talk, she started helping me search for the grave site.
After a few minutes I found who I was looking for and took the pictures I needed to take. After I was done, I began to talk with this woman. I realized a sadness in her face as I asked her if she was there visiting with someone. She said, “Yes, my husband. He committed suicide.” I said, “I am so sorry to hear this. When did he do that?” She replied, “In 2010.” It was at this point we began sharing back and forward about life and death situations. It was as if she was saying death was the best choice he saw for himself.
It was interesting having this chance meeting with her. I do not even know her name, but she did take me to her husband’s burial site. I paid my respects with her. This nicely dressed lady was from Korea and shared with me that he was depressed before he killed himself and had lost much of his business. He was a highly respected businessman and it sounded from her he had lost everything. She had begun to go to work at a department store to bring in some money.
As I took my time with her, we spoke of Korean traditions and how the husband’s role is so important in that culture. She spoke of going to work and what this might have felt like for her husband. You could see the sadness in her eyes as she discussed this with me and the clash of current culture with the culture and traditions of her home country. She shared that her home may be lost soon to foreclosure and she wondered about moving back to Korea. She now has grandchildren here that make her so happy. I offered her the only advice I knew when she told me she is now an American citizen, “Stay in America and be with your grandchildren no matter if you lose your house. They sound so lovely for you.” We smiled and said our goodbyes. I offered to take a photo of her husband’s grave site and email it to her. She was so happy for me to do that. I hope in some way it helps her.