Tag Archives: blogging

I Need You

Photo Bombed!

Photo Bombed!


I did not realize how much I did. It is true. I need you.  God I really need you. 

I have lost some decent friends to death in the last three years.  Life is not easy.  

As I rewind I know I need you. Starting over like the seasons do year after year, I am left alone knowing my story is so intertwined with you. It is a beautiful tapestry of love. 

My autistic son getting ready for a big splash!

My autistic son getting ready for a big splash!


I came home from a funeral today and while watering my plants, I sense your presence. Its from the gush of the water in my  hose  startled, I hold on and start spraying my flowers.  I think about my autistic son jumping in the lake and I sense your presence.


Water brings life. It is interesting when we are in the desert of life, we may be numb to pain.  When we are touched by rain, we wake up. I know I have. In the desert- I felt alone.  When watering and being rained on, I bow my head and wondered why I could ever think of not needing you. 

Needing Jesus everyday

Needing Jesus everyday

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Many of you hate it. Today I embrace it as I sit in the back of a car with my son Luke. He is happy with his autism always giving me a child in an adult’s body. We both sense an awareness of contentment as the radio softly nurtures us with a melody of love and joy. 

In the front seat my youngest son discusses life with his dad. He pauses to look back at me smiling and gently puts his hand on my knee. 


I put mine over his.  He is home from classes for a short week. Summer will be  over soon. 

My heart is full in these moments. These are them tucked away in my memories. Nothing can steal this time. I feel filled up with all I need. 

Traffic is all around, but I am not driving. All is well on my road. 

Random Acts Of Kindness


Something cool happened to me yesterday. Keep reading for the awesomeness vibes you are about to uncover here! 

Imagine a world without hurt. Everytime I turn around lately,  the world’s a bit more cold, distant, aloof. The pain is palpable.   

I am full of life and know this feeling comes from deep within. It is a blessing from God. I know when I crash, however, it can be as if my breath is taken away from me. 

Last night I attended Neil Diamond’s 50th anniversary concert here in Seattle. I loved every minute.  After the concert, my friends and I stuck around the venue late walking around. A medic working with the musicians came up to us and asked me specifically if I was a big fan.  I said yes. Before I knew it he handed me the oxygen mask Neil Diamond utilized right before he came back onstage to give his encore.   

Random, don’t ya think? It was very sweet of him. It was a breath of fresh air figuratively for me and physically for our star. I wonder what I should do with it. I need your ideas!!!!  I am one happy girl right now.          

Dumbing Down America

Memorial Day was quiet year. No shopping. No festivities. No struggles either. 

As an Army veteran, spending time in the military was good for me.  I did not realize it at times, but glad now.  This plaque sums up how all of us should be committed to not dumbing down America.

Consider hard about an individual assessment.  To self-evaluate ones characteristics can be a successful strategy.  The best advice I can give from self-learning is to slow down. Age may have accomplished that for me.  I prefer straight shooters, not those who live their lives unable to challenge themselves.     

As a blog writer, I am not into writing for just anyone. I am into it for me.  We have free speech ( thank a soldier here would apply) and I am damn glad of it.  

It is good though when I hear from readers about how a certain post has inspired. I just passed my five year mark with writing.  Its a true labor of love and I like to think my personality matters in my words to you.

I do not like fakes and have attempted to be an encourager.  However, I do write in very deep lonely places, but it is in those writings I find my way back.  

A friend gave me advice about being single. I liked it.  The advice was about coming to terms with being alone. Coming to MY terms is a work in progress.   

Birthdays


Happy Birthday to the best guy ever.  Autism does not define you my son. What I see in you is amazing love that others can not even come close to realizing in their own lives. You have no understanding of lusting for money or materialism.  You may live in a world made of your own design,  but it is better in many ways to the cruel world the rest of us live in.

I hope and pray for you and want what is always best for you. You have family all over the country and they have missed out on getting to know you.  I am grateful to the family you have in your friends. 

You are 24 years old. You have a dad and mom who will love you for as long as we are here on earth with you .  I know you love God and He will always have you until you meet Him in person . 

Easy Out

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No easy out- we must stop or we will crash!

 

We need to learn to let go.  We hold onto things way too long that needs to be released.  I decided recently I need to start judging.  Yep.  You heard right. Judge.

After carefully thinking through this, I am judging it all.  How you taste inside me?  What drew me to you?   Where this will take me?  It is true good or bad and now I am OK with judging.  Watch out.  I may prematurely put you to the test.

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Mental Health

Luke and mom on a very good day snowshoeing

 

If you read this, it will change your life…

Luke has a rather severe case of autism. It is coupled with Bipolar. He can rage at a moments notice.  If you are in his way, the chances of you getting physically hurt are high. 


I had just returned home from a trip to Hawaii ( yes I have a life) when I had my son over for a few nights.  While finishing supper with  Luke, he was his usual hyper self. What happened next was 5 hours of pure nightmare. 

Luke ran upstairs to his room and began hitting the back of his head into the wall. He has made several holes in the drywall, but it had been 5 years.  I caught only one bang of his head visually by the time I got to him.

While physically injuring himself, Luke was crying loudly and a hematoma was developing on his cranium.  I was able to ice his head, give him meds, and get him in a bath tub to calm down.  The pills kicked in, but the crying and other bad behaviors were persistent. Five hours later he was asleep from pure exhaustion. I did not sleep at all that night. 

You may wonder why I did not call 911. I want to tell you why. Here is what conversations took place from this incident. It was almost exact to what I had heard a few years ago when I reached out for help. One day I fear I will be unconscious and can not even make these calls. Luke did make me bleed. I am fine though:

1. I called the crisis hotline and left a message. That’s right I got a voicemail. 

2. I received a call in 30 minutes from a man who called himself a social worker who triaged the hotline. He said my son would be restrained if anyone came to my home. He put a referral in for me, although I said my son doesn’t need restraining.

3. The referral call came an hour later and she was a social worker too. She stated to me almost verbatim what the first man said. She added one bit of information by saying we have nothing good for adults with autism and our community is 20 years behind . 

4. I talked with Luke’s medicine management provider. He stated Luke was more than he could handle and refused to see him in his office the next day if he was aggressive.  He said call 911. I believe this is a cop out by providers and lame.  I think providers need to see the patients how they can be and not all calm.  I worked for 30 years as a nurse. I understand the hazards. 

5. I spoke with a RN friend who works as a mental health nurse on the largest psych unit in Seattle . She knows Luke personally and said again to me: “Luke would be restrained. Please try not to bring him or call 911.”  She knew my pain and our predicament.  

6. I called Luke’s case manager and met with him. Luke is being placed back on a list for a special home. Will there ever be one found ? We have been down this road before and three homes refused to take him. 

Rewind :  Will society ever do what’s right  for folks as Luke? 

Luke is better right now, but I wanted all my readers to know we have a crisis in mental health. Again, will we ever get this right?  I will not call 911 for my son to be handcuffed.