I wish I had a tractor 2 weeks ago when I decided to drag my family out to the old Jenkins Cemetery in Caldwell county, Kentucky. Many of you may not know, but my most popular post was on finding a haunted cemetery. It has been a top 10 google search especially during halloween. Go check it out: The Haunting .
However, if you want to come on this adventure just keep reading.
Sometimes I get scared. I wonder though about that weakness of fear and actually
I hope you will take a moment and find out why I started to blog initially and answer my question below. My blog has evolved tremendously in 2 years. If my words only assist one person to feel better about themselves, I say that one person was worth me writing for.
I am looking at writing more about a few issues and I wanted to share those with you and ask for your help in what you would like to see more from me. Here are the choices:
1. Medical Advice or commentary on medical issues from the perspective of my 30 year career as an RN.
2. Autism ( My 21 year old son was born with moderate to severe autism).
3. Cancer and my own medical story/Journey and how I have coped with my health.
4. Genealogy and my international roots I have uncovered on American soil as well as International soil.
5. Photography of nature and my take of life through photos.
6. RETRO 70’s post making fun and light of my childhood…( OK I must admit I love doing these kind of posts! )
Thanks for your input.
The mind is a powerful thing. It is unlimited. It is pure if you let it be. That is what is so beautiful about it. In Greek studies, reason was looked upon as divine. It was the glue and the influence to today’s thought processes on God and theology. Greek thought may have had some quirks, but it did help lay some foundation for where we are today.
My first big life choices evolved a southern night. Good thinking tends to happen when life itself is looked upon in simplistic fashion. It does not mean you do not weigh all the facts you have, but rather you include your emotional state in that equation. Logic may not always win. In my case, I can see mostly decisions based on logic, but those decisions were based on good people around me giving their share of praise to me and allowing me to feel a sense of purpose in my life.
Once I was on the back-end of a decision made by my superiors when I was employed at a hospital. The hospital leadership decided that all the nurses needed to rebid for their positions. This was a scary time for everyone because many nurses thought they were going to lose their job.
For whatever reason, I was concerned, but not overwhelmed by this crazy tactic being utilized by my employer to get rid of employees. I had a lot of seniority and it is what kept my position intact. Why do I bring this up? Essentially because a good leader would never do this to his team of employees. He would bring everyone on board so that folks do not think they have been hit over the head with a two by four.
This brings me back to my southern nights. It was those nights that brought me back down to reality. The memories of that simpler time reinforced my sense of purpose. It brought me rest and peace in my mind when all hell seemed to be breaking out in front of my eyes. Those southern nights have served me well. I hope you too can find your “southern night” and let it be an important part of your thought processes. It is no fun to be out in the dark and left without inspiration.
Giving up. I am home. Sitting in my car. Alone. Waiting for the garage door to open. Driving in. Engine off. Searching for something to say. Why? No one around to talk to. Still searching for something to say. No reason to. Getting out of the car. Door opened by my gloved hand and my dog to greet me. Thank God a familiar face. Happiness. Tail wagging.
No pressure now to say anything. Alone. Going to the back of the house. Light is shining through the window. No need to block it anymore. Enjoying the light coming through now. Searching for words to say. None comes. See only the light. No ghosts to worry about. Just me. Tiny body pressing against my lower legs reminding me I am worth something.
I am now talked about in scattered ways. A true story whispered across the table about the break up. It is being alone that is not spoken of. Instead it is the sustaining half-truths played out by those who do not know.
Some of my life is well worn in my mind like coming out of anesthesia. You feel distance yet you know you are in the same room. “Help me!” I said struggling with pain during one surgery two years ago. “Oh, honey, I have some medicine and I am putting it in your IV now.”
Suddenly you wake up more and do not say a thing at all. You know you need that nurse to help you and he does. He knows exactly the right medicine to administer. You drift back off to sleep.
Hi. My name is Alesia. That pain is not so bad anymore. Two years have gone by and I am now experiencing a whole new kind of pain. A kind I did not expect. It is the end of an almost 23 year relationship. My partner in life has made a choice to move on. I still do not know if the move is permanent. It is what it is for now. The details are not worth the read, but it is the cracks in it that are compelling.
Choosing to not dwell on the details, it seems better to talk about my state my mind and the emotional impact of this loss. With the Christmas season especially, I am reminded of not only my hurt, but also the suffering of many of you. If you sat at home alone on Christmas knowing the season should be enjoyed with others-the harsh reminder of the heartache is painful.
But, tonight as the Christmas day comes to an end, it is hope I would want to bring you. Know you are not alone. I know your pain, but there is always hope. Tomorrow is a new day. God has promised us this through His Story that came through the birth of a baby called the Christ-Child. It is a hope worth pursuing.
Again, do not give up. Life is worth living. Think about the things you love. For me it is fresh flowers, birds in my backyard, watching a great movie, or listening to beautiful music. Life is also about touching others, being touched, and feeling loved. Sweet friendships that are rekindled or perhaps even ambiguous loss of love that gets rejuvenated awaits you and perhaps me one again.
Life is hard. Do not give up. Anesthesia may have worn off, but hope is always attainable.