Tag Archives: life

I Need You

Photo Bombed!

Photo Bombed!


I did not realize how much I did. It is true. I need you.  God I really need you. 

I have lost some decent friends to death in the last three years.  Life is not easy.  

As I rewind I know I need you. Starting over like the seasons do year after year, I am left alone knowing my story is so intertwined with you. It is a beautiful tapestry of love. 

My autistic son getting ready for a big splash!

My autistic son getting ready for a big splash!


I came home from a funeral today and while watering my plants, I sense your presence. Its from the gush of the water in my  hose  startled, I hold on and start spraying my flowers.  I think about my autistic son jumping in the lake and I sense your presence.


Water brings life. It is interesting when we are in the desert of life, we may be numb to pain.  When we are touched by rain, we wake up. I know I have. In the desert- I felt alone.  When watering and being rained on, I bow my head and wondered why I could ever think of not needing you. 

Needing Jesus everyday

Needing Jesus everyday

Traffic

Many of you hate it. Today I embrace it as I sit in the back of a car with my son Luke. He is happy with his autism always giving me a child in an adult’s body. We both sense an awareness of contentment as the radio softly nurtures us with a melody of love and joy. 

In the front seat my youngest son discusses life with his dad. He pauses to look back at me smiling and gently puts his hand on my knee. 


I put mine over his.  He is home from classes for a short week. Summer will be  over soon. 

My heart is full in these moments. These are them tucked away in my memories. Nothing can steal this time. I feel filled up with all I need. 

Traffic is all around, but I am not driving. All is well on my road. 

Random Acts Of Kindness


Something cool happened to me yesterday. Keep reading for the awesomeness vibes you are about to uncover here! 

Imagine a world without hurt. Everytime I turn around lately,  the world’s a bit more cold, distant, aloof. The pain is palpable.   

I am full of life and know this feeling comes from deep within. It is a blessing from God. I know when I crash, however, it can be as if my breath is taken away from me. 

Last night I attended Neil Diamond’s 50th anniversary concert here in Seattle. I loved every minute.  After the concert, my friends and I stuck around the venue late walking around. A medic working with the musicians came up to us and asked me specifically if I was a big fan.  I said yes. Before I knew it he handed me the oxygen mask Neil Diamond utilized right before he came back onstage to give his encore.   

Random, don’t ya think? It was very sweet of him. It was a breath of fresh air figuratively for me and physically for our star. I wonder what I should do with it. I need your ideas!!!!  I am one happy girl right now.          

Grow Up Problem

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Ode to Diary Input on Valentine’s Day, 1999

Recently I read from an old journal of mine.  My diary depicted a smart gal with more positivity a person could muster.  There was no facebook, twitter, youtube, amazon or even google. There was just a lonely gal writing.

Problems are mixed up.  Some are easy to deal with.  Others are not.  The heavier the conflict, the more noticeable my frailties would come to light.

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Easy Out

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No easy out- we must stop or we will crash!

 

We need to learn to let go.  We hold onto things way too long that needs to be released.  I decided recently I need to start judging.  Yep.  You heard right. Judge.

After carefully thinking through this, I am judging it all.  How you taste inside me?  What drew me to you?   Where this will take me?  It is true good or bad and now I am OK with judging.  Watch out.  I may prematurely put you to the test.

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Alabama

 

I was born on Maxwell Air Force Base in Alabama. We left when I was six months old. My parents weren’t from Alabama. When dad retired from the army, we moved back from Hawaii in the 70’s. Last week, I celebrated my 54th birthday here for the first time in 25 years.  I wonder what has changed in all those years.

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Ceiling Prayers

Many times I have felt like my prayers only reached the ceiling. Can you relate?

As I entered a hotel in Las Vegas,  the most beautiful glass ceiling mesmerized my conscious. I wondered again about God and my earnest prayers only going so far.

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Monkey On My Back

Stent running from my kidney all the way to you know where! Ugh


Brain injury awareness month was the last thing on my mind ( no pun intended) as I scoped through my home last week looking for an important document. I was getting mad at myself.
Many of my rooms are partially empty. There are a few reasons for this. Without blaming my autistic son too much, I am convinced he has wanted me to redo rooms for quite sometime. ( He breaks things. I guess we all need hobbies. This one is very expensive ).

Waiting on my Urologist! What Joy!


I have had a brain tumor and some form of TBI ( traumatic brain injury) and like my surroundings well controlled. My inability to find that document drove me crazy. I finally called someone who assisted me! Thank God.

Without boring my readers, I was working through authorizations , etc with my health needs. This alone can drive anyone nuts. 
Surgery again tomorrow and another overnight stay is enough to think about, but my mind has trouble staying focused at times. I do not care if I am labeled with a monkey on my back. Maybe the monkey gets the attention for a cause that may be way worse in others than my case. 

God Follower

Greatest Mom Ever (ask my sons)

Kidney Cancer Survivor

Brain Tumor Survivor

RN

Truth seeker 

Family friendly

Friend friendly

Monkey lover

My Ashes

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Mom and I had a peculiar conversation.  After my recent hospitalization , we discussed living, dying, and a few things right in the middle .

It was apparent I must have some kind of strange situation inside my flesh. I have had way too many issues with modern medicine to think any different.  More surgery is in my near future.

It leaves me depressed, but not broken. Mom even joked she wanted my ashes on her fireplace so she could talk to me everyday. We laughed.

In all seriousness, the human spirit has been victimized to an extreme by TV and in particular politics with the hurt it brought. I sit back and realize I am not a republican nor a democrat. I am a person. I have needs just like you. We all deserve space to just be.

My health scares seem to grab me by the balls at times. Oh wait I don’t have balls !! Haha.

Yet, I stand up and am not afraid to weather whatever THE PLAN is for my life. Do not be fooled by those that say it is going to be ok . Sometimes it is not.  I devised a few phrases in my mind for you to ponder along with me. They are below.

This every girl does not give up easily and will remain as proactive about my health as I am able. A time comes when we all die. When it does, we should be doing something good for mankind.  How does that look to you ? To me, it means a few things:

  1.  Live the little things.
  2.  Keep the happy and keep it now.
  3.  Look for purpose
  4.  Pray
  5.  Family
  6.  Friends
  7.  Touch and feel….

 

Ticking Time Bomb

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I just got out of the hospital.  I am learning not to advertise much of my life on social media, but we all still need to reach out for help.  If any one knows me very good, they know I love watches.  Here is a bit of my collection.  I love swatches the most, but there is a Gucci in there somewhere.

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