Tag Archives: Love

My Ashes

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Mom and I had a peculiar conversation.  After my recent hospitalization , we discussed living, dying, and a few things right in the middle .

It was apparent I must have some kind of strange situation inside my flesh. I have had way too many issues with modern medicine to think any different.  More surgery is in my near future.

It leaves me depressed, but not broken. Mom even joked she wanted my ashes on her fireplace so she could talk to me everyday. We laughed.

In all seriousness, the human spirit has been victimized to an extreme by TV and in particular politics with the hurt it brought. I sit back and realize I am not a republican nor a democrat. I am a person. I have needs just like you. We all deserve space to just be.

My health scares seem to grab me by the balls at times. Oh wait I don’t have balls !! Haha.

Yet, I stand up and am not afraid to weather whatever THE PLAN is for my life. Do not be fooled by those that say it is going to be ok . Sometimes it is not.  I devised a few phrases in my mind for you to ponder along with me. They are below.

This every girl does not give up easily and will remain as proactive about my health as I am able. A time comes when we all die. When it does, we should be doing something good for mankind.  How does that look to you ? To me, it means a few things:

  1.  Live the little things.
  2.  Keep the happy and keep it now.
  3.  Look for purpose
  4.  Pray
  5.  Family
  6.  Friends
  7.  Touch and feel….

 

How You Made Me Feel

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This photo was taken the day before we got our first snow here in Seattle.  It has been freezing ever sense..Brrrrrrrrrr

Do you remember that first love?  Sadly many of us have been burnt in our first ever love experiences.  There is no way to define in human standards how love looks from one individual to another.

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Photos taken over two decades ago like the one above find popularity in their grasp of thematics such as  mother/son bonding. My autistic son is in a blue outfit that I simply adored.

Perhaps the adornment was because I love my son so much , but the cute attire was no doubt a favorite of mine. The color blue is so peaceful to me. The blue is seen in the skies. Blues are also associated with boys. 

What also comes to mind is the pictures I have taken of stellar jays. Their blue bodies are gorgeous and always a fave picture to my readers. 


I thought today a lot of why I write. My perception was I was writing for myself. Yet as my audience grew, the writing did too. I make no false assumptions here as alesiablogs is still for me. To be sure of this,however, I post this photo of one of the most important men in my life. 

Freshly pressed has been a dream of mine. Could I ever write to the level of such prestige to gain that honor ? It remains to be seen , but as I create my own art in prose, it is my dream that my  art is pleasing to myself and the reader. Today I felt inclined to please myself and show off my cute boy. Mr. Luke I adore you just the way God made you. 

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It is mother’s day weekend. I hope you and yours  enjoyed it in your own special way. For me, I had a blast with my oldest son who has autism. He sang happy birthday to me, but instead replaced birthday with mother’s day! It was really cute. 

For me, I am excited each year I have been alive to enjoy mother’s day.  I think it is one of  the most universal  holidays we all love. Everyone has a mother after all. Sometimes it is not our biological mom we celebrate, but you get my drift. 


That is Luke and myself 22 years ago! He will be 23 next week. 

I suppose your wondering why I titled this hair.  The truth is my family and friends all seem to have various ideas about the length of my hair.  It was so controversial!  Haha


I have no hair in this photo after dealing with medical issues.

I have longer hair after five years of short hair. I am able to finally grow my hair again without pain involved. 


So I ask myself who do I need to please these days in regards to my hair?  I bet if you have read my blog for very long you know who that is. 

As I have got older, I have learned to walk away from conflict more and more.   I will not be bogged down any longer by trivial nonsense.  

I enjoy life more than ever despite pain of all kinds. There really is so much to be passionate about. People ask me if I am ever bored. I say no. It is true. I am not. 

To be or not to be- that is the question so long ago pondered.  I choose to be.  I choose wrinkles that come in their own time. I choose a fine wine over cheap. I choose ideas that suit my conscience. I choose to let go where I have no control. I choose to also privately now live a life written quietly in the recesses of my mind. It maybe shared  when I feel someone can understand my way as opposed to their own. In my nursing career, most nurses know there can be many different answers to critical questions. If we all could see that and not be so damn harsh on others, I believe all of us will be for the better. 


If your life brings you through muddy waters, hold on tight because usually a mom showed you how to. Happy mother’s day to the best mother a girl could ask for! Hilde- you are amazing and wonderful. You only wanted what was best for me. Thank you a million times over.