Tag Archives: spirituality

How You Made Me Feel

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This photo was taken the day before we got our first snow here in Seattle.  It has been freezing ever sense..Brrrrrrrrrr

Do you remember that first love?  Sadly many of us have been burnt in our first ever love experiences.  There is no way to define in human standards how love looks from one individual to another.

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Am I Bionic?

It was the sound of scratching nails getting louder and louder. Then silence. Moments later, a small whimper began.
Lying down on my bed sleeping, I flinched realizing what I was hearing.
Quickly standing up from a deep sleep, I saw my dog Linus stuck under my bed. All I could think about doing is pulling him out. I had never seen him do this before.
It is not unusual for Linus to sleep at the side of my bed. Although, He must have moved in his sleep to get himself trapped under it.
I tried pulling him out unsuccessfully. Realizing the weight of the bed was on my dog’s back, I lifted the bed frame up. No easy task for someone in my physical shape, but it was the only way to pull him out.
After coming out from under the bed, Linus could not seem to hold up his own body weight. Suddenly to my relief, Linus managed to pull himself up.
Feeling nauseated from lifting the bed and the ensuing pain I felt in my head and back, I laid down quickly praying for relief.
Not quite awake, I thought to myself, “What just happened?” However, relieved that my dog was Ok and my pain subsiding, I drifted back to sleep.
beep…beep…beep…My alarm wakes me. Time to go to church.
Leaving the house, I eyed Linus sleeping on his own bed. Quietly I thanked God he was not hurt.
I wondered where my strength came from. It was crazy to me that I could lift the bed up.
To my surprise, the pastor spoke about, “You’re stronger than you think.” As the pastor was wrapping up his message, I could not help but smile knowing God must have given me a supernatural ability to help my pet when he needed me the most. God does indeed use the weak. In fact, it seems many times God uses the smallest of things to His Glory. My own strength certainly fits the bill.

Acceptance

Gut Check times can be down right vomitus. Time has come that all is left of my inner being is my gut feelings. Have you ever been there? Maybe more than you ever really want to share if the truth were to be told.
My earthly time has been challenged in ways that are hard to put into words. Those are the times we must just let go. It could be that the time has come for me once again. Unfortunately for me, my gut check thermometer did not read the situation as clear as it is now.
When something becomes clear to you-yes at a gut level-you finally can start Letting Go. Obviously a clarifier has to be put with that statement and it is this. Letting Go is a process and looks different to every individual.
Cancer tried to take my life. Autism has tried to take a son. Hardships tried to take my joy. Depression tried to steal my soul. But at the beginning of the day and at the end, I stand up still even if with a cane and call my life a victory. You can too.
God Bless your Weekend Word Press Friends. Here are a few photos to help keep things in perspective. Enjoy:

Restorations

Anne Graham Lotz (Billy Graham's daughter) spoke at an event I attended this week.

Anne Graham Lotz (Billy Graham’s daughter) spoke at an event I attended this week.

We are broken. Yes. That’s right. Not one of us is free from emotional baggage either brought on by our own doings or afflicted upon us by others. How often are we rattled to our core? I must say I have had that kind of life yet I prayed for my release many times even if it was death.
A few nights ago I attended a special event where Ann Graham Lotz spoke to a large audience. Anne is the daughter of the legendary evangelist Billy Graham. She is considered for her generation one of the top 5 evangelists according to the New York Times. Funny thing is that at this event she said she is not an evangelist. Reverend Billy Graham called her the best preacher in the family. I thought that was pretty amazing coming from him.
Anne’s message was clear and masterful. She believes we are living in the end times and prefaced this with language I had heard many times before about the changing circumstances of humanity. She gave example after example of environmental and political reasons. It was interesting and her thoughts on life in our current culture seemed spot on to me.
As a fellow Christian I take heart in the simplicity of the evening. There was a lone man (http://www.fernandoortega.com/) at the piano singing songs that pierced your heart. With each word of one song I paused to allow the fullness of its meaning. The song would draw you in with its deep calling. It would remind me of being at a dear friend’s house that you may have not seen for many years, yet you can resume that friendship right where you left off. A blog post about my experience with Anne Graham Lotz and  musician Fernando Ortego.
It is in living our lives vulnerable, we rediscover ourselves. I think that is why I love music so much. A song has a way of replenishing me. I can let my guard down. So as I seized the moment in a song, I thought of where my life has come from one restoration to another. It is not a one stop healing track. It is a continuum. If we are to capture the wonder of life, it is a rediscovery process. It is also about allowing people an opening into our lives from not merely knowing someone from the inside out, but the outside in.
After coming home from this special night, I decided to find out more about Anne. I noted in one article on the internet that her husband had been very ill a month ago with a deadly MRSA infection. She thought they might lose him. As I read this, it took me back to my year of horror with the same infection in my skull. The difference is I became extremely angry and resentful to God about this and honestly still have not completely overcome my negative emotions with my experience. Yet here was Anne able to come cross-country after watching her partner fight for his life. Let me just say that her circumstances restored me a little that night.
So today I am a little bit closer to being the best I can be. I await again for another restoration and can not wait for God to answer in an unexpected way. By the way–bloggers thanks for reading as this post was very religious in nature. I am many things, but the most important part of who I am is an ordinary girl telling her story in extraordinary fashion. That is why I started this blog after all.

The Mystery of Prayer

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Luke with his Alligator that soothes him.

Luke with his Alligator that soothes him.

Almost all of us have something we can not do without. My son with autism has a big alligator he carrys where ever he goes. The crocodile has more miles on it than I care to mention. When Luke walks around in public with his alligator, it is no doubt others become aware of his disability. Most folks are very kind and just gaze at him. Sometimes it is curiosity that sparks people to stare. Sometimes I would explain how the toy helps Luke to be anchored and calm. It is interesting how strangers are so intrigued by Luke and his alligator. They find it fascinating that Luke has been carrying his alligator with him for several years now. In fact, we keep a supply of them around when one breaks.
When I think of Luke’s anchor, I am reminded of my own. It is invisible. However, I have not used it as consistently as Luke uses his. It is prayer in my life. My prayer life consists of a simple rhythm of words I put together to help me deal with life’s challenges. Usually I pray utilizing The Lord’s Prayer centered around doing right,forgiveness, safety, and last but not least allowing me to be used by God to help others in their time of need.
In all honesty, prayer has not come easy to me but I know it leads me to focus on God more. This changes perspectives and attitudes. Prayer also reminds me of our desperate need for forgiveness. Just as we can die from lack of food, we can die from lack of forgiveness. To starve from lack of food is one thing, but to starve from a lack of forgiveness brings it to a whole new level.
Prayer is a mystery to me. It will stay that way I am sure, but it is a good mystery. I know God is watching over me and that is soothing. For Luke, an inanimate object calms and soothes him. For me, it is the invisible. I thank God that Luke is comforted with the alligator. It would be horrible if nothing comforted him. I am also reminded that as I do pray God does have a sense of humor. Who would have ever thought a big alligator from Toys R Us could have such a powerful hold on my son? That is the same powerful hold I seek with God.
Other posts with this theme are:
https://alesiablogs.wordpress.com/2013/02/10/every-morning/
https://alesiablogs.wordpress.com/2013/01/19/nonversations/

Every Morning

Photo taken on the farm of my husband's parents. Nature is so beautiful here.

Photo taken on the farm of my husband’s parents. Nature is so beautiful here.

Every morning I get up out of bed, I look out the window. Most mornings it is pitch black because I am with my kids as they get ready for school. On the weekend, I have the luxury of sleeping in. As I awake, my first glimpses may be the beginning of light from a distant, the softness of the grass in the yard, or baby birds eyeing my feeders. It is in this I reflect on God’s creation. This week as I prepare for my women’s group, the subject is on God’s presence.
In one of the most well-known stories of the Bible in the book of Job, we learn of a man who loved God. Despite all this love he has for God, God allows Job to lose absolutely everything. I can not even imagine what he must have felt like. I have lost many things, but not everything like him. Job is left miserable with the loss of his children, money, and his health. Despite it all, Job wonders why me but he never curses God. Finally God responds to Job through nature itself.
If you have time to read Job 38, it is here that God engages Job to look to the night sky and the clouds of a summer’s day. He than takes him on a wonderful adventure of nature itself and its animals. It is in God’s safari that Job is refreshed in his belief. Can you imagine being lifted up and allowed to see all things created through the wonder of God’s eyes? There is so much more to God than only nature, but it was the way HE chose to show Himself to Job.
Thanks to all of you that write and bring to life a bit of yourself through your stories and photography. I do believe their is the divine in all of this we call life. God chose the Bible to tell us so much. It is through pain and hardship, nature beckons us back to Him. By the way everything was restored to Job. I suppose God could have put on a professor’s cap to teach Job, but He chose to teach through his own Handiwork. I like those kind of lessons myself. I don’t have to take notes.

Christmas Goosebumps

A quiet birthday party for Luke and his very good friend that also has autism.

A quiet birthday party for Luke and his very good friend that also has autism.

Christmas Eve is our traditional candlelight service at our church. The crowds are always huge. I would say there was over 3000 people this year! Our son Luke who has autism loves this event. This year he had an extra special bonus. As we walked into church, we settled on a seat way in the back which was NOT where we wanted to be. Fortunately I saw some seats closer up that we got to. As we began listening to the Christmas music being sung, I looked behind me and saw a young man with his family. I then realized Luke was saying hi to him and becoming very overjoyed. I then realized the young man was from Luke’s vocational school! We had him over our house last year for Luke’s birthday party.
The service became a brand new experience as we had never seen them at our church before and Luke was just so excited that he started rocking his body back and forth especially forceful from excitement. My husband had to work extra hard to keep Luke calm, and he did for the most part. The only part that worried me was Luke’s overzealous raising of the candle that he had lit at the end of the service~! I could only see the whole church going down in a ball of flames due to an autistic boy’s JOY! I can report NO SPARKS went flying except the sparks in his eyes to see one of his best friends from school at church.
I thanked God quietly for allowing the service to be extra special for him. As we walked out, my other son said, “Mom did you plan that we would sit by them?” and to that I replied, “No, God did.” I think I needed this as much as Luke did. I have prayed to God many times for help and today I saw God’s working hand and I needed that. I am sure Luke is an ANGEL that the Lord has sent me.