Category Archives: Blogging

Alabama

 

I was born on Maxwell Air Force Base in Alabama. We left when I was six months old. My parents weren’t from Alabama. When dad retired from the army, we moved back from Hawaii in the 70’s. Last week, I celebrated my 54th birthday here for the first time in 25 years.  I wonder what has changed in all those years.

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Ceiling Prayers

Many times I have felt like my prayers only reached the ceiling. Can you relate?

As I entered a hotel in Las Vegas,  the most beautiful glass ceiling mesmerized my conscious. I wondered again about God and my earnest prayers only going so far.

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Monkey On My Back

Stent running from my kidney all the way to you know where! Ugh


Brain injury awareness month was the last thing on my mind ( no pun intended) as I scoped through my home last week looking for an important document. I was getting mad at myself.
Many of my rooms are partially empty. There are a few reasons for this. Without blaming my autistic son too much, I am convinced he has wanted me to redo rooms for quite sometime. ( He breaks things. I guess we all need hobbies. This one is very expensive ).

Waiting on my Urologist! What Joy!


I have had a brain tumor and some form of TBI ( traumatic brain injury) and like my surroundings well controlled. My inability to find that document drove me crazy. I finally called someone who assisted me! Thank God.

Without boring my readers, I was working through authorizations , etc with my health needs. This alone can drive anyone nuts. 
Surgery again tomorrow and another overnight stay is enough to think about, but my mind has trouble staying focused at times. I do not care if I am labeled with a monkey on my back. Maybe the monkey gets the attention for a cause that may be way worse in others than my case. 

God Follower

Greatest Mom Ever (ask my sons)

Kidney Cancer Survivor

Brain Tumor Survivor

RN

Truth seeker 

Family friendly

Friend friendly

Monkey lover

My Ashes

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Mom and I had a peculiar conversation.  After my recent hospitalization , we discussed living, dying, and a few things right in the middle .

It was apparent I must have some kind of strange situation inside my flesh. I have had way too many issues with modern medicine to think any different.  More surgery is in my near future.

It leaves me depressed, but not broken. Mom even joked she wanted my ashes on her fireplace so she could talk to me everyday. We laughed.

In all seriousness, the human spirit has been victimized to an extreme by TV and in particular politics with the hurt it brought. I sit back and realize I am not a republican nor a democrat. I am a person. I have needs just like you. We all deserve space to just be.

My health scares seem to grab me by the balls at times. Oh wait I don’t have balls !! Haha.

Yet, I stand up and am not afraid to weather whatever THE PLAN is for my life. Do not be fooled by those that say it is going to be ok . Sometimes it is not.  I devised a few phrases in my mind for you to ponder along with me. They are below.

This every girl does not give up easily and will remain as proactive about my health as I am able. A time comes when we all die. When it does, we should be doing something good for mankind.  How does that look to you ? To me, it means a few things:

  1.  Live the little things.
  2.  Keep the happy and keep it now.
  3.  Look for purpose
  4.  Pray
  5.  Family
  6.  Friends
  7.  Touch and feel….

 

Ticking Time Bomb

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I just got out of the hospital.  I am learning not to advertise much of my life on social media, but we all still need to reach out for help.  If any one knows me very good, they know I love watches.  Here is a bit of my collection.  I love swatches the most, but there is a Gucci in there somewhere.

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Mental Health

Luke and mom on a very good day snowshoeing

 

If you read this, it will change your life…

Luke has a rather severe case of autism. It is coupled with Bipolar. He can rage at a moments notice.  If you are in his way, the chances of you getting physically hurt are high. 


I had just returned home from a trip to Hawaii ( yes I have a life) when I had my son over for a few nights.  While finishing supper with  Luke, he was his usual hyper self. What happened next was 5 hours of pure nightmare. 

Luke ran upstairs to his room and began hitting the back of his head into the wall. He has made several holes in the drywall, but it had been 5 years.  I caught only one bang of his head visually by the time I got to him.

While physically injuring himself, Luke was crying loudly and a hematoma was developing on his cranium.  I was able to ice his head, give him meds, and get him in a bath tub to calm down.  The pills kicked in, but the crying and other bad behaviors were persistent. Five hours later he was asleep from pure exhaustion. I did not sleep at all that night. 

You may wonder why I did not call 911. I want to tell you why. Here is what conversations took place from this incident. It was almost exact to what I had heard a few years ago when I reached out for help. One day I fear I will be unconscious and can not even make these calls. Luke did make me bleed. I am fine though:

1. I called the crisis hotline and left a message. That’s right I got a voicemail. 

2. I received a call in 30 minutes from a man who called himself a social worker who triaged the hotline. He said my son would be restrained if anyone came to my home. He put a referral in for me, although I said my son doesn’t need restraining.

3. The referral call came an hour later and she was a social worker too. She stated to me almost verbatim what the first man said. She added one bit of information by saying we have nothing good for adults with autism and our community is 20 years behind . 

4. I talked with Luke’s medicine management provider. He stated Luke was more than he could handle and refused to see him in his office the next day if he was aggressive.  He said call 911. I believe this is a cop out by providers and lame.  I think providers need to see the patients how they can be and not all calm.  I worked for 30 years as a nurse. I understand the hazards. 

5. I spoke with a RN friend who works as a mental health nurse on the largest psych unit in Seattle . She knows Luke personally and said again to me: “Luke would be restrained. Please try not to bring him or call 911.”  She knew my pain and our predicament.  

6. I called Luke’s case manager and met with him. Luke is being placed back on a list for a special home. Will there ever be one found ? We have been down this road before and three homes refused to take him. 

Rewind :  Will society ever do what’s right  for folks as Luke? 

Luke is better right now, but I wanted all my readers to know we have a crisis in mental health. Again, will we ever get this right?  I will not call 911 for my son to be handcuffed. 

Can We Talk?

Can we talk about autism? Or better yet the impact of autism on an individual? My son Luke is now an adult. His disability affects him in many ways.

While on a fun trip downtown to Seattle, Luke always enjoys the sights and sounds surrounding him.  As his mom, I can notice when he feels overwhelmed. It is in those times we have to slow him down.
At home he will lay around, but it is not his usual. Luke likes pacing. I am sure this is genetic! His dad and brother do the same!  If we do not put the pause button on Luke, however, his brain will go into overdrive.  This causes him extreme stress. As family we notice this. Others will not recognize the symptoms as easily.


Luke’s care providers know this about him too, but it took a lot of training. Being a provider for Luke can hold special circumstances due to Luke’s strength.


Can we talk about that strength of Luke’s?  I swear you would think he was the Incredible Hulk. He has broken so many things when he is upset. I decided long ago pretty things in my home weren’t important any longer !

Can you talk now and tell me – are you able to let go and not get upset if you lose every material possession you find precious to you ? I learned long ago I could.