Convinced it’s finished, we find excuses. Lots of them. It is never done. Conflict comes and goes. We can be on a crash course that promises to be the collision of a lifetime. No one said life is fair.
St. Augustine, Florida is a well preserved city. Along the Matanza River which is the main entrance into St. Aug., my friend and I saw extensive marsh areas where habitat can live. As one who enjoys nature, I found this body of water a must see. What makes it so interestingly dark is that its name actually means killings! Since St Aug. is the oldest surviving european city, many battles took place where many people were slaughtered. Chaos was nothing new to this area in its over 450 year history.
Sitting down next to my son, I gathered the rocks he was moving from one pile to another. Luke has always loved putting things in order. If it was not the rocks in one place all together, he was busily in the home putting all the chairs around the dining room table in perfect order. Pushing as hard as he could at times, he was bound and determined those chairs had to be just right.
“Luke, are you there?”
Moving to the computer room, Luke noticed the closet doors were not shut completely. From the corner of my eye, I watched Luke push the door shut until it was closed to his satisfaction. He pushed his body on the door and felt it to make sure it was exactly how his mind thought it needed to be. He was happy then.
“Luke, are you there?”
Luke looked up this time and he started coming rather rapidly toward my direction. He pressed his face and especially his nose into my hair. He took a deep sniff and inhales my aromas. These sniffs were not one or two times, but rather several until I said, “Luke, I know you are there and you can stop smelling my hair now.” He did.
“Thank you Luke.”
Luke does not seem to remember, but I remind him every time when he pushes too hard on my face or head that he is hurting mama. It takes a lot of reminders. I mean A LOT!!
In bringing these examples of some of Luke’s unusual autistic behaviors, I fail to describe too much of the damage that some of these strange motor movements can do to inanimate objects until he starting hurting me. It is because I want to make it clear that I want to see Luke showing me something HE CAN DO. It may not look pretty. In fact, a chair or table may get scratched up, and a closet door may get broken over and over as Luke believes he can fix it. That does not matter to me. As his mom, I am interested in seeing Luke just do. It is not being afraid to let go and bring a CAN DO spirit in my son. Autism does a lot to our children afflicted with this devastating neurological calamity, but we CAN DO a lot to show how proud we are of them even in the midst of quite possibly not understanding for ourselves what the behavior really means for the autistic mind.
“Thank you Luke for fixing my door and putting the chairs so nicely under the table. Mama is so proud of you. I love what you can do Luke. You are my best guy ever! You gorgeous boy.”
“Mama, Luke is your best guy ever and gorgeous.”
Dedicated To My Sons:
In a yearning desire to bring my happy and sentimental past to life again, my family traveled with me to my childhood world of Hawaii for my 50th birthday. Such nostalgia is easily brought back to my inner being as my sons experienced my old life. They too were “plunged” into instant gratification of a world they may have never known if not for my insistence to vacation there.
It is with wonder bringing dreams come true for me to be with my kids in Hawaii. Living in Hawaii for four years as a young person with my own parents was the epitome of pure joy. How can you describe something to someone else unless they experienced it themselves?
Immersing my life’s past to my children’s’ present time in Hawaii makes for a true experience now merged forever.
Showing a whole new world to them is like painting on canvas. The artist’s strokes begin with a lone girl enjoying the sand on the beach. As the artist’s rendition begins to evolve, two other figures are captured in the drawing. They are my own boys on each side of me laughing with love that comes through with each stroke of the artist’s handiwork.
This life can only get better as merging a past with its present brings on amazing memories into the future.
As a military brat in the ARMY, I never lived near my extended family for very long. It came with the territory when I was born. Dad was a Command Sargent Major and where ever the government said for him to go we went. When he retired though it was indeed a sad affair for myself. I remember leaving Hawaii and looking out the back window of our VW waving goodbye to my best friends Ricky and Sandy. They waved back looking just as sad as my sister and I. Perhaps it was in this lifestyle of moving alot, I learned a different perspective of life.
Introspection was indeed another matter. I had never been one to reexamine myself inwardly as much. I seemed to define myself through my parents as a child growing up which I believe is natural. However, when I thought about how my parents defined themselves things became abit more dicey. For example, my mother is German/Swiss, but she had no idea past her grandmother of her family heritage. My Dad’s family roots were abit more defined but with many loopholes in his Irish/English heritage. My husband’s dad and mom both seemed like they knew very little details also. So in steps me with all the new fangled technology, www.ancestry.com , library card, and cemeteries and SHAZAM a genealogist novice I have become!
Does all this matter? I think so and I will say it has been tons of fun. I feel like I have a better take on history. I also believe in some way (mind you maybe this part is a fantasy) that the WORLD could be a better place if we understood each other better and realize we all were at one point intersecting from the same plane. For example, this story is about the evolution of a woman and really a picture of why womens’ rights were so important: https://alesiablogs.wordpress.com/2012/09/14/pioneer-woman/
Here also are photos I came across from my research that have much meaning to me as they made the past come to life for me. I usually like to tell you what kind of camera was used with my photography but I did not take these. I can only say they were very old ones! Enjoy: